The White House has not denied that Steven Miller is circulating a plan to relocate the roughly 55,000 indigenous Greenlanders in randomly selected groups to small corners of several of the other native reservations on the US mainland. The Danes and others now living on the island will be allowed to leave (Miller is said to have joked that those choosing not to leave would have to deal with ICE, or ice).

Each person will be allowed to take everything they can carry. Each indigenous person will receive a week's food and a blanket from WWII surplus (yes, we still have some). Originally each household was to be given a Toyota pickup truck, but the Tr$mp tariffs have made them so expensive that they will no longer be distributed.

The resulting empty territory will then be awarded by lot, half to the valiant MAGA loyalists who bravely stood up for freedom at the US Capitol on January 6, 2021, and half to US mineral extraction firms that either pay a fee to participate in the intended lottery (or who have contributed at least $100 million to the Tr$mp campaign). All will be required to certify that they have no intent to foster diversity, equity or inclusiveness in their use of the land.

Anonymous sources said that Miller has modeled the plan on the highly successful relocations of other indigenous peoples in US territories in the 19th Century, the emotional historic home of his Party's philosophy.

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