Definitions
Virtual female participant: "A human being seeking to become pregnant and possessing a suitable organ for gestation of an embryo and/or fetus," not to be referred to as a "woman" on pain of picketing outside their home by newspeaking, self-identified "non-cisgender" enthusiasts for the rest of their lives, or a list with an equally ridiculous made-up pseudo-gender.
Virtual male particpant: "a human being not possessing the characteristics defining gestational capabilities of a virtual female participant," not to be referred to as a "man" under the same linguistic strictures.
Procedures
1. Persons seeking IVF services shall sign a release allowing an IVF clinic upon completion of all agreed procedures to transfer to qualified individuals such individual embryos resulting from said procedures as are viable and (a) are not implanted in the participating virtual female participant (see definitions) and (b) for which the contributing virtual participants (see definitions) do not intend to maintain in stasis until the end of time.
2. Anti-abortion zealots (and others seeking to acquire rights in such embryos-children-things) shall join a paired list of
(a) a virtual female participant and corresponding
(b) virtual male participant
who shall as couples assume financial responsibility for all expenses incurred by said clinic prior to the time of conception and until the embryo-fetus-child aka cell cluster dies or reaches his/her/its majority.
3. Upon certification and payment of all said cost to clinic, the applicant zealot virtual female participant shall have implanted within an appropriate bodily organ (see definitions) a randomly selected "orphan" embryo and shall immediately assume all financial, personal and moral support therefor.
See Alabama state implantation guidebonk for further information or complete the adjacent state application form link.
Or if you think this is all nutty beyond belief, scream loudly and throw your communication device against the nearest wall.
