Washington DC - 20 Jan 2029 - Beneath sunny skies despite chilly weather, President-for-Life (PFL) Donald Tr*mp celebrated his forthcoming third term in office, which will have no prescribed end date. A crowd of supporters queued up for the event, a really, really hyuuuge crowd.

Each admirer clutched raffle tickets as the hour approached for selecting 100 lucky initial occupants of the new Tr*mp Capitol Hotel, which occupies the former US Capitol. Trump himself will draw the first winner from a large simulated-gold barrel in the Rotunda of the historic building. Other rooms in the hotel have been reserved for donors to the PFL Civic Renewal Fund, a registered charity benefitting displaced foreign oligarchs.

The former Capitol became available after His Excellency PFL Tr*mp decided that the Senate and House of Representatives had become superfluous in an era of perfect government.

The building was leased to Tr*mp affiliates at a rate of one dollar ($1.00) per year for 999 years. Although the building and land were considered priceless before the new leadership assumed office, it was valued at only $79.95 by the PFL, and at the direction of his Excellency PFL Tr*mp that valuation was used to set the lease terms.

The new Tr*mp Capitol hotel has 1,735 rooms in the former House wing, which rent for an average $1,875 per night, and 821 rooms in the former Senate wing at $4,350 per night, making for a potential $6,824,475 per night at full occupancy, totaling $2.4 billion annually. According to the lease (which was signed by PFL Trump as both lessor and lessee), proceeds from the hotel will be "put to good use."

As part of the renovation, the statue of George Washington was removed last year and transferred to a neighborhood park in West Palm Beach where, PFL Trump assured the nation, the first president would be much happier. A new and much larger solid gold statue of PFL Tr*mp himself has taken its place, made of gold from Fort Knox that was otherwise just taking up space.

Funding for the on-site casting of the 16-foot statue, which weighs over 57 tons, was financed by a consortium of Russian, Arabian and Chinese interests in exchange for "a certain amount of cash" and "a small US state and/or foreign nation to be named later."

During the ceremony PFL Trump addressed the assembled throng. A crowd larger than any the world has ever seen before, according to the PFL, heard the leader announce that the ensuing term would be dedicated to the righting of the many wrongs that have been imposed on the PFL, for which the people who allowed such terrible things to happen would be made to pay through a special tax that would be reimbursable by special assessments on those unqualified voters who falsely elected another person, mention of whose name is now prohibited, for one of the presidential terms for which God and the Universe intended PFL Tr*mp himself. Proceeds will be awarded to the PFL himself by way of compensation for past wrongs, which will go unchallenged under the PFL's recent decree abolishing judicial oversight of presidential orders.

Film at 11.

(Updated 18 Jan and 8 May 2024, with considerable prescience.)