The "Freedom Caucus" of the US House of Representatives will soon vote on a resolution to offer its collective thoughts and prayers to the people of Maui after the island and its capital Lahaina were devastated by wildfires last week, according to reports received since the events.

Companion resolutions were offered to blame President Biden for the disaster and to limit attempts to spend money to restore and rebuild the affected areas.

The Biden resolution, offered by Rep. Margie Trailer Gruen of somewhere in the South, provided for $100 million for an investigation into allegations that the already ongoing investigation of the President's son was generating so much heat that Maui had spontaneously combusted. She asserted that the investigation of the investigation would reduce the danger, but provided no explanation of how this would result.

In explaining the proposed lack of financial support for the island, the group fell back on its tried and true explanation that this would amount to socialism and encourage dependence on government, which would undercut the right and proper self-reliance historically exhibited by "real Americans."

NOTE: The Gazette has not verified any of these reports.